Here comes 30! (in 6 months...)

I am officially within the 6 month window of turning 30 (insert some kind of creepy music here) and can't quite figure out how I feel about that, but since it's within the 6 month mark I feel I can offically start talking about it. Or maybe I can't, but it's my blog, so...I can.

The first 30th birthday I celebrated was my brothers. On a tropical island. In February. How the hell do you top that? Since then, it's been a few each year that have tumbled over the edge into whatever the heck life holds when it starts with 3. Some say it's a big deal. Others barely notice the change. I go back and forth (on a weekly basis probably) whether I want to:

A) Have a crazy big party where I throw down $300-$500 on a bar tab and just invite everyone I've ever met to come have a drink with me.
B) Have a similiar event, though smaller, and with me not spending all that money.
C) Wrap up my life in Illinois and have a "Hello 30, GoodBye Chicago!" party in which I sell everything I own and move somewhere new.

I really can't decide.

I'm looking forward to being 30. There seems to be a manageable air about it that I currently am lacking that sounds pleasent. And I'm looking forward to wherever I celebrate making my friends listen to this (I have a better, longer version at home but this is what I could find on the internet on short notice)




Does any of this really matter yet? No. Will it ever matter? Probably not. Did I need to just post any damn thing to bump down that severly bitter and unhappy post previously at the top of the page? You betcha!

Bitter

I am incredibly bitter right now. The kind of bitter that wells over into mean, snippy, and downright cut throat cruel if given the opportunity. The kind of bitter that seeps into Facebook updates like "Need anything punched? You're in luck, I have a right hook for sale. May not be great, but comes cheap." and "Is already thinking about celebrating the long held art of the happy hour today - anyone up for after work cocktails?" at 9 in the morning. I only partly know where it comes from, and that is a part I have no energy to deal with. So I sit and stew in my bitterness. I try and leak bits of it out through a drink here and a drink there. Through curling up with a book for 2 hours instead of TV or the bar. Through avoiding eye contact and conversation with others around me, because the last thing this bitterness needs is someone who wants to talk about it.

But still it builds. And I know it will burst like a rot filled dam at the most inopportune moment. Like it has every. other. time. I'll fill with gin and lash out, tired of holding all my scathing comments about the world and those around me back from the freedom of speech said out loud. I'll carry around the label of a mean gin drunk for awhile, knowing inside it's got nothing to do with the gin (or the beer, or the whiskey) but not wanting or being able to explain it to anyone.

Or maybe not. Maybe this time will be the time that I find the invisible valve to leak the bitterness out safely. Maybe this will be the rage that is able to find an anti-venom that is quiet and painless. Maybe this time the only ones that know will be the ones that stumble across this rant. Maybe this time.

The Love of a Good Book

I just finished the most wonderful book, The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss. I came across the author originally through a twitter post by Neil Gaiman about a fundraiser he was doing...I think...maybe it was a blog post...either way I found the fundraiser, thought it was cool and ended up donating. I tooled around the site a bit and thought I might like to check out his book, but ended up putting that thought on the back burner as I was reading other things and couldn't really afford a new book purchase.

Fast forward to about a week ago when I found myself at the library with a friend. I'd thought I'd look up to see if they had the book and lo and behold they did. In hardcover. And it was huge. I don't have it with me now, but I think it's somewhere in the 600-800 page range. A bit daunted I picked it up anyway and lugged it home. I started it a few days later and couldn't put it down. I loved it. I had forgotten how much I love fantasy stories. Good ones at least. One of my top favorites, the Belgariad series by David Eddings, I've probably read through at least 3-4 times. The exciting and slightly sad part is that The Name of the Wind is just the first of three books for this series (YAY!) but the rest aren't out yet (sad). But true genious takes time. And as Mr. Rothfuss has very nicely explained in a post about a year ago he is simply a man trying to write a good story. And I am not one to ever rush a good story. So, please Mr. Rothfuss, take your time. Please create a wonderful tale. I'll be here to read it whenever it's ready.

Another fun fact about the author is he lives in northern Wisconsin. And that just makes me all warm and tingly inside. I love that his upcoming visits include Waunakee, WI, a place that outside of the friends I know from there, I wasn't sure anyone had ever heard of.

Fast Forward

Dear February 15th,

I know that people may not think you're very special but you are one of my most favorite days of the year. Please hurry up and arrive, I'm not sure how many more V Day ads I can take. I would be forever greatful.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
JJ
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Have you ever heard of....

It's time for a new installment of Welcome to my Office! (Or whatever the heck I've been calling it when I jump in here to write out for you one of the many annoying interactions I deal with from behind my 9 - 5 desk job.)

Side Note: I really should go back and come up with a brand for these installments.

Today's Tale begins with an email.....

Email from Nice Coworker: "Have you ever heard of the organization listed on the side of this badly copied PDF sent to me by one of the lords in charge around here?"

Unsuspecting me opens email and sees a very familiar org name.

Reply to Nice Coworker: "Why yes I have! In fact here is the proposal I wrote in February of 2009 that included a summary of this organization, along with many others along the same lines, and a full proposal on that specific organization that I wrote in October of 2007! Wasn't it great that I thought so far in the future to prepare these and have them rejected out of hand so that when someone else brought them up they'd be ready?! Gee, I must be psychic."

End Scene.

Roadtrip

I am sitting in a car in downtown Chicago, waiting for my friend (and owner of said car) to have an appointment so we can go home after a whirlwind of a day. See I just got back from a 19 hour trip to Wisconsin. Yup 19 hours. We left from downtown at 3 yesterday afternoon and got back downtown at 10 this morning.

We spent 4 hours sleeping, 6 hours driving and 9 hours helping one of my best friends in the world celebrate being on this planet for 30 years. I also got to see and have dinner with my mom and roll around with two of the loveliest dogs I know. It was superb.

So now I am going to drink the rest of my coffee (still warm from Rockford! Go new insulated Thermos cup!) and close my eyes for a moment or two while I wait for my friend to arrive. I hope the rest of my weekend can be just as amazing.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Tip My Hat

I always have a ton to say, sometimes too much, but often I don't have the energy or feel witty enough to share it with you. That leads to a spotty blog history and for that I apologize to any readers who are still hanging on (and I know the fiction site hasn't been updated either, it's not that I haven't been thinking about it, it's just I haven't had one good blasted idea since I posted the first two).

So today I would like to instead introduce you to another blogger. Her name is Suburban Sweetheart and she is a midwest girl telling tales from a large east coast city which makes her writing hit the mark with me (though I am not east coast, I definitely have felt the overwhelming "This City is Just Too Damn BIG!, I'm taking my ball and going home!" feeling before). I came across her from a real life friend who knows her in real life and said one day "Hey, check out my friends blog, I think you'll like her" And I did.

Feel free to scan through her posts, it might not all line up for you but I guarentee there will be a post (or more!) in there that hits home for you at some point. The catalyst for this sharing today? I came across the video below (which she got from somewhere else) that was great. And I wanted to viral it a bit further. So check out the video. Check out the post it came from. Check her out. And Suburban Sweetheart - if you come across this post, I hope it gives you a warm feedback fuzzy feeling, that yes, people out there are reading and are enjoying. Thanks for all your insights.