Shhhh

Tomorrow, Friday, April 16th, 2010, is Day of Silence. I don't think I ever knowledgeably participated in Day of Silence (DoS) when I was growing up. Not because it wasn't something I believed in, but because I didn't grow up in a house where people were silenced. Actually I grew up thinking for about the first 15 or so years of my life that two people of the opposite sex being married was just the weirdest damn thing I ever saw. I come from a single mom, with a whole crew of lesbian aunts. My best friend's parents were separated and living in homosexual relationships. Get the picture?

Then I started to grow up and by the time I got comfortable enough to speak my mind to the entire world around me (say, 16 or so) I was at an alternative high school that specialized in welcoming all of us that were tormented for one reason or another at our local schools and it's number one rule when you walked in the door was its non-harassment policy. Every day we talked about being marginalized, and "othered". We constantly spoke up for our rights, the rights of our friends, the rights of the neighbor down the street, anyone we felt we could be a voice for.

The next logical step is college I guess where DoS is heavily participated in. Well, I didn't go to college. At least not right away. And by the time I went I was just too damn busy (selfish, ignorant, focused on life outside of school) that I neglected to participate in any school activities, DoS included.

But I still see others around me taking part and it's started to make me think. Last year a girl on the train (or maybe it was a boy, my memory is too foggy to really remember) was wearing some kind of shirt indicating their participation in DoS. As I got off the train to trudge to my downtown office job I smiled at them in an attempt to show my support/solidarity/belief in their beliefs. That shit is hard without words! But I think I got my point across. I hope so at least.

This year a good friend who works with LGBTQ youth has had a few facebook comments about it and I know he is working his ass off this time of year to get everything organized (side shout out to all the organizers out there who work so damn tirelessly to get the people of this world engaged and involved. You do thankless work day in and day out and I just want to make sure you know that I thank you!). Another friend however had a pretty interesting comment up about how she is not participating this year and why. She started it out stating she absolutely meant no disrespect but that this year she was tired of being silent and felt that wasn't they way for her to make her point. In the discussion that ensued (gods love FB for getting us chatting in a way we never could before the Internets) she made the following statement in response to an equally well stated rebuttal to why she should participate(which I really hope she doesn't mind me totally ripping off)

I think it's a powerful and symbolic move for a worthwhile topic, and I imagine
that it'd be fun to get people's attention by not speaking/responding to them.
However, I can think of times that I was literally silent when I heard someone
say things like "well I don't know any [LGBTQA] people", "that's gay", "only
white kids do that.", when someone was called a fag, when folks are talkin bad about
cissies and bulldaggers, the list goes on...and I think it would be FAR more
productive for me to call those folks out/engage them in a conversation. It's
rare that someone knows how I feel because I haven't said so. All due respect,
it's easy to keep being quiet. I think we need to do more talking.

For me, I think that DoS is something that absolutely works on a high school and a college level (which is what it is intended for). But for me? I'm years out of college, working in an establishment staffed with lesbians and generally gay-friendly individuals, so me being silent tomorrow would in no way make the world a better place, it would really just make the day suck for most everyone involved (we're coming up to an event at work and I seem to be the go-to girl for all event related questions). But the issues/problems/ignorance/outright hatred and stupidity that make having a DoS necessary are still, sadly, a large part of this society. So what can I do?

Well, like most folks I am still trying to figure that out day to day. For now, I try and speak up whenever I can when I hear people use words that are offensive. But if we're being honest in this little blog-o-sphere world, I'm much better at standing up when it's friends being idiots and we can have a safe discussion then when it's strangers in the bar/on the street. I'm working on trying to be better at that whole voicing my opinion when strangers say these things to me and if you have any words of wisdom, feel free to send them my way. I also am going to set up my first monthly giving plan to the above mentioned friends organization that works with youth (I really am going to send that voided check, I swear to all the Gods!). It won't be a lot but it will be what I can afford and I think that is still important.

What do you do readers? When faced with ignorance, fear, hatred, belittlement that is either directed at you or, as is so often the case where it's the hardest, simply in the area you are in what do you do to try and make a difference? Do you try? Have you given up?

No matter what you do, for tomorrow I urge you to stand up against harrassment in any way you can. If that means being silent, do it. If that means not being silent and saying something to someone, do it.