One brief moment

I was standing in line in a random store, waiting probably not so patiently for the search station to become available so I could hunt for things I want and don’t need. I looked up and saw you riding the escalator to the second floor and my heart froze in mid beat. I searched your features trying to figure out if it was really you, it’s been so long, silently praying you might look my way, fervently hoping you wouldn’t. Then your eyes turned towards mine and before my brain could even register if they met mine I looked away, unable to face the fact it might be you. Unable to face you recognizing me. Unable to face you not. My mind raced as I waited, feeling the escalator move upwards with every atom of my body, wondering if I should turn and look again. Wondering if you were looking at me. Knowing that by the time I made a decision the chance would be gone. And then the search station in front of me became available, erasing all thoughts of what to do from my mind. I moved ahead, searched my item and found it was not there. I went back to wondering, wondering if I should go up and pretend to look (for the section it would have been in awaited me atop those moving stairs). Wondering if I should just move on. The heat of the store and my feet decided for me (thank god) for I found myself heading towards the exit, not looking back, not looking around.

I burst through the doors, though in reality it was probably just a normal exit, and headed out in to the now refreshing coolness of a November afternoon. Why would you be here? Do you work down here now? Are you just subjecting yourself to needless torture by shopping in the loop over the lunch hour? Do you hate yourself that much? Was it even you? Does it even matter? These thoughts tumbled one over the other as I headed to my next stop on an endless lunch trip of errands. Slowly my heart found itself beating again. Even more slowly my brain returned to more present things at hand. But for one brief set of moments I jumped back in time. For one gradual instant I found myself completely filled with you.